It’s been like that all my life I guess. Domestic Violence survivor, homeless, being estranged from your own children, as well as being a parent of children who have diagnoses. That one came as a blow to the stomach and I really believed my mother put the hex on me with that one.
Jumping 15 years later, I really don’t see it that way anymore. Strength came by those trials to prepare me for his life. There can be an answer for everything, we just have to find the right people and resources to get us through those moments. And if we can do that together as a team anything is possible.
My daughter Jenny, I really didn’t see coming. Growing up, she was very shy and sweet. Later, she learned to speak up for herself and became out spoken. There was a touch of sarcasm which I loved about her and nothing seemed to trouble her. By the time she entered middle school, I had to tell her the truth about her real father. I was unaware at the time that she was dealing with being bullied, starting an eating disorder, and felt self-harm was the answer to every thing.
Then there is me, after eight years of unemployment I decided that I would fill in for PCA’s (Personal Care Assistant). My children didn’t need me near as much (or so I thought) and I had so much more to offer; patience, caring, and understanding with kids who have autism even if I doubted myself in the process.
All in all, things were going well. Of course there may have been bumps in the road, but I got through them. However, my son woke up one morning and had no memory of me. The anger he was experiencing unreal. I knew it wasn’t him it was trying to find the right medication that would work.
My daughter would have her dark moments when I would reach to her. Conversation was a battle. Being aware her room was safe and free from harm. Also I was struggling to except the fact I just brought her back from a mental hospital. Then there are the therapists’, the medications. Then the one person I thought I could lean on….my husband. I’ve come to realize just recently I can’t. He came home intoxicated telling me, “It’s all my fault” . It was a very lonely feeling.