I have to vent, I’m sorry. My plan was to talk about some awesome things Pooh has done this past week but when the person who you looked to as a supporter, drops the ball on you for divorce. The more I think about it. The angrier I get.
Supporting him was all I ever did. I waited on him each and every day when I was a stay home mom for seven years.
I’m ashamed to say I pretty much did everything but kiss his feet without complaint. I started to see the light about three years ago when I had to tell Jenny he wasn’t her birth father. She took it hard, and it required therapy. Little did I know she was having an eating disorder, being bullied at school and the list goes on. But I’m sure you have the just of it. Concentrated on getting Jenny better, a month later Pooh regressed. That’s about when I started the blog. I thought I had it under control, and before I knew it, I was in therapy after a break down. It deep-rooted all my trauma from being raped, abused and completely violated when I was younger. Apparently, I repressed it all, and it did a number on me.
Medication has helped a lot and has made me see the light on a lot of things.
First off I have come to realize my husband can’t handle my life. The endless therapy sessions each week. Medications, reports, IEP’s and everything else in between. I wish sometimes I could run and hide in the basement the way he does and shut myself from the world, and even expect everything to revolve around me. But I can’t do that. The kids have to be first and he has always struggled with that.
I’m noticing a narcissist type of behavior in him I think I have either ignored or was in denial about. Our arguments aren’t even about what is needed to work together. It’s always about him and only him. He only says he’s numb because I said I am. He says he hurts because I said I hurt. God he can’t even come up with his own stuff. I was even willing to see a marriage counselor, figuring a third-party would help him see my world and intervene. I found out he lied and had no intention of going through with it. So when I confronted him of course he denies it.
But yet in the same breath he goes to church this morning what’s wrong with this picture!
The only thing left is to go through with it. I’m not going to beg and plead. I have little more respect for myself than that. On to better things.