I am so sorry there was a gap since the last post. We made the move safely. It took longer than expected since my daughter and I did all the moving. Then we had an issue with the internet and it took almost two weeks to get someone to come and help but nevertheless mission completed.
The morning of the move I psyched myself up. I was happy I got to this point but little nervous (I know your reading mom yes I’ll admit it now I was scared) but I was proud for once of my own success and that was to make the kids and myself happy. I just didn’t have time to think of the what ifs.
Jenny stayed with her brother while I left to get the truck. I didn’t want Pooh to feel my fears, which he’s so good at, and It gave me the chance to get the hang of the truck.
Jenny and I were at it for 5 hours while Pooh slept. It was exhausting but we kept moving.
My final touch before leaving was my goodbye letter with the keys to the house. Here is the letter what I left. (Feel free to use any of it if you are in a similar situation)
“I went to church this morning and I asked the elders about a remark you made about moving on and dating. You said it wasn’t cheating, there was no sex involved, just kissing with the other woman.
I wish I would have known you felt that way. I can account being hit on by quite a few guys in the 12 years we have been together. And maybe as long as I made that rule of just kissing and no sex I wonder how much you would have approved of that back when you said, you loved me. But then you are a narcissist, you can’t do no wrong. I understand that now.
I explained to the church about telling Jenny who her real father was. Even the bullying in school, Pooh’s regression, and my breakdown.
They feel you were never there to begin with. You having the ability to walk away so quickly, and they agreed you have some sort of narcissist behavior.
Your actions free me after what you have done to move on myself, but getting over this may take some time as I am not as good as you are about it.
But I’ve come to terms to forgive you. For all those times the kids, and I was never first in your life from the beginning. Even the times I went to bed alone and woke alone because you were always in the basement doing your thing. I even forgive you for walking away when I needed you, but honestly, I don’t think you knew how to be there for anyone but yourself.
Now that I’m better and even stronger. I see I do deserve better. I see that when things get bad, you are not around. You seem to have this idea in your head things will work out on its own. But Im here to tell you; a relationship is a two-way street in everything, Whenever there is a problem one is there for the other. It isn’t a contest which is right or wrong, but what has worked, and somehow things always come back to you, and what I haven’t done for you. But yet you never once saw what I have done. And that’s okay too, so for that, I forgive you.
I can move on bitter free where I know good will happen for the kids and me. We will heal being away from all the triggers and the pain that you seem never existed.
But this is Goodbye. Therapy suggests to follow the no contact rule with a narcissist. (All therapists agree this is the best so before you make yourself the victim, I know they can’t all be wrong)
So I would appreciate you respecting this rule as well, and don’t look for us, don’t call me, text me, or even email me. I hope you find happiness in your life and whatever it is you seem to be looking for.”
After I set the letter down with the house keys, I took one last look around. After ten years it ment nothing. I was little sad all that time invested was gone. But then I realized there was nothing to keep me there. In fact it being there mentally was destroying us. That’s when I knew this was for the best. I never looked back and shut the door behind me, feeling stronger than I have ever been. We all got in the truck animals on our laps ready to move on to better things.
I want to thank some great people I work with that helped out with food, furniture, payment for the truck. I wouldn’t gotten this far if it hadn’t been for your kindness and support through a very difficult time in my life. it gave me the added strength I needed to move on and make it.